What can I even say that will express my feelings and thoughts, without sounding petulant or forced? I call myself a writer, but I can't find the words to make others understand. Both because I daren't reveal myself, even to myself, but also because I'm just not that good a writer.
"Morning, m'lady," he said.
M'lady. If it weren't so ridiculous it would be sweet. And though it's well meant, it sounds mocking when faced with the reality of my face, the face he knows. I'm not an ephemeral, digital being. I'm ugly, lumpy. Even after losing 3 stone, and still losing I hope, I'm big and fat and in no way feminine. Even next to Brienne I'm nothing - but then she is a model.
"How are thy?"
Thy?! One of these days I've got to correct him on that.
Anyway... how am I? ... overdramatic as it sounds, the answer came to me: broken. But then, hardly. Just rough. I can't even have a breakdown properly, it's damp and half-assed.
Listen to this shit. I can't even angst properly. Am I pretending, blowing boredom out of all proportion? Or have I forgotten how to feel, but for the merest shadow of sensation?
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